coolnesscomplex
02-05-2008, 02:25 PM
OK, people have always told me I’m funny.
And, for the last decade, people have told me that I “belong on a reality show.” So I finally went to a casting call for Big Brother 9 last November.
I am a 36-year old man who looks like a cross between Gary Busey and Ritchie Cunningham.
The two casting directors were hot girls who looked about 25.
In my mind, my only chance was to prove how funny I can be. But do you know what happens to me in bars when I walk up to two hot 25-year old girls and try to be funny?
Well, That’s exactly what happened during my casting call with these chicks. Here’s how it went:
Hot Girl 1: Next!
Me: I’m afraid I may have a big problem with the application I filled out.
Hot Girl 1: What?
Me: I don’t know my hat size. Am I still eligible to be on the show?
Hot Girl 1: (blank stare)
Hot Girl 2: Tell us why you want to be on Big Brother.
Me: Well, I want to be on Big Brother so I can give a speech like the one Howie made to April, with her dog Pepperoni and her fat husband, when she cried on the toilet? I mean, that is my ultimate goal.
Hot Girl 2: So you want to make people cry?
Me: (Stammering, confused) Uh, no…but you had to root against the Friendship, right? And you gotta love Howie. He was the greatest. Right?
(long silence)
Me: Ahhh. Well. The second reason I want to be on the show is to publicly challenge Mike Boogie to a boxing match on live television.
(long silence)
Hot Girl 1 to Hot Girl 2: Maybe you didn’t see that season. It was the one where…
Hot Girl 2: Yeah. I saw it.
(long silence)
Me: Umm, well, the third reason I want to be on the show is that I want to elevate the status of the Ginger in America. I mean, there are no good looking red-headed men in leading roles, and maybe I can help people not to be afraid of Gingers—
Hot Girl 2: Michael Rapaport is a redhead.
Me: Excuse me?
Hot Girl 2: Michael Rapaport is a redhead! DON'T EVEN challenge me on this. He is a HUGE STAR. So you’re wrong.
Me: Um. Yeah. Michael Rapaport. You got me.
Hot Girl 2: So you want to be on Big Brother to be famous.
Me: No, I want to be on Big Brother because girls with dark hair and dark eyes won’t sleep with me, and I –
Hot Girl 2: NEXT!
And, for the last decade, people have told me that I “belong on a reality show.” So I finally went to a casting call for Big Brother 9 last November.
I am a 36-year old man who looks like a cross between Gary Busey and Ritchie Cunningham.
The two casting directors were hot girls who looked about 25.
In my mind, my only chance was to prove how funny I can be. But do you know what happens to me in bars when I walk up to two hot 25-year old girls and try to be funny?
Well, That’s exactly what happened during my casting call with these chicks. Here’s how it went:
Hot Girl 1: Next!
Me: I’m afraid I may have a big problem with the application I filled out.
Hot Girl 1: What?
Me: I don’t know my hat size. Am I still eligible to be on the show?
Hot Girl 1: (blank stare)
Hot Girl 2: Tell us why you want to be on Big Brother.
Me: Well, I want to be on Big Brother so I can give a speech like the one Howie made to April, with her dog Pepperoni and her fat husband, when she cried on the toilet? I mean, that is my ultimate goal.
Hot Girl 2: So you want to make people cry?
Me: (Stammering, confused) Uh, no…but you had to root against the Friendship, right? And you gotta love Howie. He was the greatest. Right?
(long silence)
Me: Ahhh. Well. The second reason I want to be on the show is to publicly challenge Mike Boogie to a boxing match on live television.
(long silence)
Hot Girl 1 to Hot Girl 2: Maybe you didn’t see that season. It was the one where…
Hot Girl 2: Yeah. I saw it.
(long silence)
Me: Umm, well, the third reason I want to be on the show is that I want to elevate the status of the Ginger in America. I mean, there are no good looking red-headed men in leading roles, and maybe I can help people not to be afraid of Gingers—
Hot Girl 2: Michael Rapaport is a redhead.
Me: Excuse me?
Hot Girl 2: Michael Rapaport is a redhead! DON'T EVEN challenge me on this. He is a HUGE STAR. So you’re wrong.
Me: Um. Yeah. Michael Rapaport. You got me.
Hot Girl 2: So you want to be on Big Brother to be famous.
Me: No, I want to be on Big Brother because girls with dark hair and dark eyes won’t sleep with me, and I –
Hot Girl 2: NEXT!